Losing hurts
by charlibear13
Summary: Ethan takes on an unusual way (for him) if coping with Death. Will Cal be able to get through to him.


**Just a little something that wouldn't leave me alone, I have a few other ideas that I am working on and for those reading it I'm hoping to get the next chapter of the sweet shop lady up by Wednesday by the latest **

Losing hurts

Cal stood next to Zoe, Ethan was on the opposite side of the bed trying without success to get an output for the little girl on the bed.

Zoe glanced at Cal who nodded and then she spoke "this is not working, I'm going to call it"

Ethan shook his head and Cal's dropped to his chest he hated this part of his job losing any patient was hard when it was a child it was worse, it never got any easier.

He heard a sharp 'no and looked up at Ethan who was still trying CPR Zoe had moved around to him and hand her hands over his trying to get him to stop it suddenly dawned on Cal that this was Ethan's first child loss.

Cal knew how much that effected a person. He could still remember his, name, age and diagnosis, and he still went over the case, could he have done anything different, could he have saved her.

Ethan looked at Cal and he saw his little brother falling apart Cal couldn't help a tear fall down his face and he saw the mask slip into place on Ethan's face as he stood back from the bed.

Zoe spoke to her staff around the bed "Let's do this now, losing a child is always hardest, does anyone have anything they'd like to say"

Cal shook his head knowing there was nothing that they could have done, this little girl was dead before she arrived.

Ethan spoke and Cal was shocked at how venomous the words sounded coming from his normally sweet little brother

"You called it too soon, we could have saved her, maybe we just give up too soon because we've seen so much"

Cal went to stop his brother but Zoe raised her hand "let him continue, this is why we do this"

Ethan stopped speaking and Cal saw the unshed tears in his eyes before he swiped a hand at his face and the mask was in place, Cal moved beside him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder but Ethan shrugged it off turned on his heel and left the room.

Zoe looked at Cal and raised an eyebrow Cal sighed before answering the unspoken question

"This is his first child loss"

Zoe nodded at the words and caught Cal's arm as he went to move "Keep an eye on him Cal"

Cal nodded and left the room asking Zoe if she wanted him to tell the parents Zoe shook her head.

Cal asked Robyn if she'd seen Ethan, she nodded pointing to the staffroom

Cal walked into the staffroom and saw Ethan standing by the counter Cal was still shook up over losing the little girl himself, but he knew whatever he was feeling wasn't half of what Ethan was feeling.

He stood by the side of him, and after a minute broke the silence

"Lucie Duggal" Ethan looked at Cal and shrugged and Cal continued

"That was my first, she was 7 years old, she was beautiful, she fell from her bedroom window, blunt head trauma and she was dead before she arrived, but that's little comfort I know"

Ethan looked at Cal who was struggling with tears and Ethan placed a hand Cal's shoulder Cal smiled

"It's the hardest part of the job Ethan, and it's something you never forget"

Ethan dropped the hand from Cal's shoulder and turned away from him before saying

"I'm fine Cal, its all part of the job" with that he walked out and glanced back at Cal giving him a grin and Cal knew that Ethan was anything but fine"

Within minutes Zoe had Ethan and Cal again working with her as they tried desperately to save a pregnant woman, the baby was breathing and stable and Cal then went to help Zoe try and locate the bleed. Cal went with her when she was transferred upstairs.

10 minutes later and Ethan walked towards Cal as he saw him coming down the stairs "how is she?"

Cal shook her head "they tried everything" Cal hadn't finished before Ethan had turned on his heel and went towards the staffroom.

Cal was about to follow him when Zoe called him to take lead on a patient in Cubicles.

Cal kept an eye out for Ethan to come back but was kept busy and as it was nearing the end of their shift he figured he would see him then.

5 minutes later and they were in the pub, Cal spotted Ethan at the bar and was making his way over there when he was pulled to the side by Zoe, "is Ethan ok?"

Cal glanced over to the bar where Robyn was laughing as something he had said and shrugged

"I think so, why do you ask?"

Zoe frowned and pointed to where Ethan was knocking back a straight whiskey before saying

"That doesn't seem like the Ethan we all know, it seems more like you"

Cal sighed nodding before making his way over to his brother who was sinking yet another whiskey,

Ethan stumbled as Cal got near and Cal caught him stopping him from falling Ethan avoided eye contact with Cal and Alarm bells began to ring in Cal's mind.

When Robyn came back few minutes later placing more shots in front of Ethan and Cal, Ethan drunk them one by one, Cal however shook his head, knowing that he would need to be sober to get Ethan home.

Cal explained this to Robyn before turning to Ethan who shrugged and started to drink Cal's shots.

Cal sat on the stool next to him and spoke quietly so only Ethan would hear him

"Ethan, what are you doing? This, is more me than you, you're normally the responsible one"

Ethan laughed before speaking loudly "What's the matter Cal, don't like it when you're little brother starts acting like you? Mr. to cool for emotions, well this is the new me, and do you know what I want another drink, you gonna join me brother?"

Cal sighed shaking his head before replying "you've had enough Ethan, come on lets go home, me and you we can talk"

Ethan shook his head "I don't want to talk I want to drink" with that he turned around ordering another round

Cal hung his head defeated and watched as his little brother unraveled in front of him drinking shot after shot, on an ordinary day Cal would have been proud by how much he could put away, but Cal could see that one wrong move and Ethan would be on the floor in an undignified heap.

Cal sat back offering Ethan silent support, all that Ethan would allow him to do right now.

With every drink Ethan asked Cal if he'd like one and Cal shook his head no.

Ethan was on his 8th shot when Cal noticed a change in him, instead of no emotion on his face he now wore a face of a broken man and when he placed a hand on his shoulder Ethan didn't shrug it off, instead Cal felt Ethan lead into the touch and he spoke

"What do you say we get out of here?"

Ethan nodded and let Cal guide him out of the bar away from his colleagues who were too busy in their conversations thankfully to see the brothers leave.

Once outside Ethan pulled away from Cal and down the nearest alley where he was sick Cal chucked as he reached him handing him a bottle of water "you know it's going to be worse tomorrow right?"

Ethan grimaced and spoke brokenly "not the brightest idea I've ever had"

Cal shook his head, come on I want to make a stop before we go home.

30 minutes later and Cal pulled his car into a parking space, Ethan awoke from his little sleep more sober than Cal thought he would and Ethan's eyes clouded in confusion when he realized where they were

"Cal why are we at the cemetery?"

Cal exited the car without answering and turned around to Ethan beckoning him to follow

Ethan stumbled a few times his head still trying to clear the alcohol that he had consumed, he wasn't aware that he had made any sound but suddenly Cal was in front of him, steadying him

"Sorry, I forgot you had consumed more alcohol than you ever have, we'll go slower"

Ethan smiled "can you tell me where we're going?"

Cal shook his head and they walked a little further on Cal pulling Ethan to a stop in front of a huge tree where in its shade stood a gravestone

Ethan followed Cal's gaze and read the inscription

_**Lucie Duggal**_

_**Beloved Daughter**_

_**Aged 7**_

'_**What seems to us a sunset**_

_**Is a sunrise in another land'**_

Ethan's head shot up and he turned to face Cal, he was about to speak when Cal beat him to it

"I come here once a year every year, I bring one daisy, her mother said they were her favorite, it never gets easier Ethan, but the first one, you're not just grieving for the child you're grieving for a of ideals, we become Doctors to help people and losing people especially a child makes you question that you can help and save people"

Cal looked at Ethan and gave him a small smile as he noticed the tears streaming down Ethan's face he stepped closer and Ethan folded into his arms sobbing

Cal lowered them to the ground keeping his arms around Ethan as he cried for the lost little girl finally giving in to the hurt he felt and Cal let him cry.

After 10 minutes Ethan was quiet and Cal pulled back "come on buddy, let's get you home before the hangover kicks in huh?"

Ethan nodded but stayed where he was "thank you Cal, how did you know"

Cal laughed "let's just say that you weren't the first to try and drink away the issue huh, although it took a lot more than 8 for me, what can I say my little brothers always been a lightweight"

With that he stood up and ruffled Ethan's hair causing Ethan to scowl and punch him lightly on the arms.

Cal and Ethan walked shoulder to shoulder back to the car and Cal engaged Ethan in chit chat keeping his mind off the little girl and the hangover he knew was waiting to attack.

Because if Cal knew anything he knew that losing hurt and sometimes you just needed a helping hand.

**Just something that wouldn't leave me alone so I had to write it and share it with you all.**

**Hope enjoyed as always please review I love to hear from you all.**

**P.S. I cannot wait for the upcoming storylines for Cal and Ethan they look amazing let's hope they bring Ethan and Cal closer and not apart **

**C xx**


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